Those Phrases shared by My Parent Which Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get support. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to communicate between men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - spending a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."