Navigating my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship

As a gay man approaching 50, I’ve spent many, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again.

Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males have open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions as fixed. What you need in your current state could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires completely … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.